Sarcastic Derisions
by 14096
Summary: Beast boy decides it's time that he outsmarts Raven for once and assert his dominance. But maybe his carefully planned speech still has some loop holes. A good read if you want a short, and somewhat funny story with a minor, almost swear word. I hope it's not that bad. T for minor not really swear word (I'm not gonna risk having a kid running around saying an almost swear word).
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1: Research

* * *

In the Titan's tower, a certain changeling was busily typing away at the laptop. And guess what? He wasn't playing a game. Gasp, the shock! Instead, he was actually researching. For the past few nights, a thought had been nagging him in the dark recesses of his mind. Intellect told him to fulfill the prophecy for his revenge, but he'd been to lazy then to give a good thought on the subject. He realised that no matter what happened, Raven had always managed to outsmart him at everything and anything. Her typical sarcastic phrases were really starting to get to them. He was a guy, and it was time to prove his dominance.

But not matter what he'd tried before, it never worked. There was always a loop hole in his cleverly planned (and timed) quips, but remember we're talking "Beast boy intelligent" here. Anyway, on this particular night, his video games bored even he, himself, the master jokester (master prankster was stolen by Cyborg after an interesting mix up) could not make up a cheesy pun for the characters on screen. Not a peep, not a single "I bet he's called speedy 'cause he's a hedgehog" Wait, that one didn't even make sense; well that's BB logic for you, dear reader.

Continuing on, as Beast boy tried to find some blackmail on sarcasm, sleep was creeping up on him. He couldn't resist any longer. He would go out faster than a fire in a tsunami. Just as he thought he was about to slack off, he found it. The piece of evidence was right there, right before his eyes. His joy was renewed with vigour and the taste of vengeance. Of course, he had to use Google translate to decipher some of the harder words (see wit, and smart), but it was worth it in the end. _It's perfect! _He thought as he drifted off to sleep. Tomorrow was going to be one heck 'uva day. Finally, Raven, the eternally everlasting demon lord champion of outsmarting was going to get it. With those thoughts in mind, Beast boy turned into a cat as he raced to his room falling asleep before he could get past the door.

* * *

In a dark, dark, room, a girl other than Starfire had been watching intently and observing in discreet silence. So, the foolish imp thought he could outsmart her? No matter, whatever he'd try wouldn't work, but even with those reassuring thoughts, the sorceress couldn't help but wonder what he'd found. As curiosity nipped at her sleep, she decided that a little peek couldn't hurt, right? It's like totally normal for a girl to stare at a guy while he does stuff, right?

After a little "talk" with curiosity which involved a rather excessive amount of screaming and begging, she managed to control her curiosity. Now that it was gone, the need for sleep began to take control. As her eye lids clamped shut, she was barely just able to make it to her bed. There she lay in comforting silence in a state of complete tranquility. And she would remain the same way for another few hours, lest some A hole villain disturb her sleep. If one somehow managed to ruin such a perfect time, she had a few dimensions in mind, specifically the "Heroes only" dimension. She was truly evil.


	2. Chapter 2 Wet Failure

Chapter 2 Failure

* * *

The next day, Raven was up and early as usual. Robin was reading the newspaper, Cyborg was cooking some meat lover's special, and Starfire was mixing a brown lump and thirteen failed bagel experiments (they're still glowing). And Beast boy was still asleep on the floor. It's a wonder no one saw him (like seriously, who can miss a green guy?). "Hey Raven, go check if Beast boy's coming down" A monotone almost rivaling her own called out. Usually, the sorceress would have complained or had a full out debate right there and then, but she was too lazy for once to care.

With a short grunt, she made her way down the hallway, only to trip over something on the ground. She muttered something along the lines of "Damn beast boy and stankball", or choice B, "Darn beast boy and his laundry, when I see him I'll shove him in the washing machine" (you choose which one, fellow reader). Anyway, she got up to see a lazy green cat sprawled out on the floor. Amazingly, it was still asleep (seriously, set him on fire and half of him would be gone before he woke up).

Raven let out a sigh of regret as she was about to turn around and just leave him there. But the soft sound of shuffling behind her began before she could run away. "Get up, you lazy oaf" Beast boy awoke with a faint cloud of fogginess cluttering his mind. Did Cyborg dare him to down a whisky again? Wait, that voice was familiar, "Robin?" (BB logic again) "Yes, friend, I have come to shove you down the stairs"(it was an extremely horrible interpretation that sounded like a mix between the sound of scraping and a lawn mower) "Raven?" "No, this is Bob dingle berry" Raven couldn't help but roll her eyes at this. Here was his chance! Raven had just fallen into his trap. He thought it over once more, _OK! I got this! Come on, dude! Don't screw this up!_, he took in a deep breath puffing up his chest in a ridiculous way that Raven couldn't help but supress a smirk at, "Hey Raven, you know, sarcasm is the lowest form of wit" he said matter-of-factly. Perfect, just the right tone, too. He allowed himself a smirk of superiority. When he looked up, Beast Boy was disappointed to see that not even a twitch showed on Raven's face. His smirk dropped immediately.

So, this was what the green twat was planning. No matter, within seconds, intellect had found a smart reply, "Yet you still can't figure out how to use it". The dark one couldn't help the smile of victory that spread across her face. Wait, rewind, did Raven just...Smile? No way! Beast boy couldn't help smiling as well, until he realized what she'd just said was an insult. And here's what he saw in that peanut where his brain should have been: "Hey Raven, sarcasm is the lowest form of wit" "Yet you still can't figure out how to use it". Always the slow one, it took him about 5 minutes, which was actually a record time, "Hey! That's not nice, Raven!" He pointed a finger at her for emphasis. It was a weak retort, but it was the only thing he could think of, literally. "And I'm the tooth fairy" The sorceress's voice held a confident under tone dripping with even more sarcasm if that was possible.

She knew she'd won. Never in her life would she let that little rat outsmart her, never. But it came so fast even with a mind as fast as hers, she found herself stuttering, "Did you just...Smile?!" A look of pure shock crossed over the green boy's features. He gazed deeply into her eyes and saw that she, too, though held an impassive look he had to say was impressive could not deter the short look of surprise that passed by. "N-no, I don't do smiling" Raven managed to utter those words before her hands reflexively went to raise her hood. Great, she'd embarrassed herself even further, her hood was already up. The green goof ball started to laugh before her, and for some odd reason, she felt the right to do so as well.

Quickly, she opened a portal to her room. Phew, what a close one that was. Until she realised there was a sudden warmth below her knee. _No, it couldn't-_and there was the green changeling smiling sheepishly at her-be. The foolish mortal was holding onto her leg for dear life, he'd wrapped himself around much like how an eraser does (wait, what?).

A sudden rage took over her as the three titans in the kitchen heard a prolonged scream and then a splash of water accompanied by a "GET OUT!1!". "Robin, what was that? Could it be my Barbie of doll? Oh no! It has drowned!" "No, Starfire, I think it was a plushy" "And a green one at that" "But Robin, my Barbie sounds identical" (and it was true). A small giggle escaped the lips of the resident meat lover.


	3. Chapter 3 Pranks

Chapter 3 Pranks

* * *

About an hour later, which was really just 10 minutes, Beast boy discovers he can swim (Dramatic Gasp!) and stops himself from drowning. Also, the pool he's in is really just 3 feet deep. _Touché, Raven, _he could almost hear the accent ringing inside that peanut. After he stood up, he flew home to dry himself and plopped down on the couch for a round of Mega Monkeys Number something too lazy to put the number here.

As always, he lost against the intelligent AI even when difficulty was set on OFF. He was about to throw a tantrum about how the AI cheated and some really good hacker must've beat him. But it was cut short when he noticed that Raven was not present with everyone else. That was normal, but he'd at least expected her to magic up some towels or show some kind of sympathy (OMG! He just used sarcasm! Call the news!). Then he laughed at himself, this was Raven we're talking about (and caused some concerned looks for his mental health from the master prankster and Mr. Traffic light).

Deciding against his better judgement, which was about 60% of the leading cause for episode mishaps (true fact), he went over to Raven's door, and knocked. No answer. He pounded the door even faster and louder than before, thinking that he was at a drum concert and forgetting whose drum (door) it was. Suddenly, the door opened and he hit Raven right in the face. Time paused by slowly as Beast boy considered his escape routes. A, help Raven, B, run away, C kill self, and D erase paper (BB L.). As amazing as it might sound, he chose A. He glanced down at the feeble sight of Raven, with a lump on the side of her face and glaring at him like she could kill him with her eyes. Reflexively, Raven's hands reached out to touch the injured part of her face as a blue glow spread from her hands.

When it was fully healed, beast boy offered his hand. Raven took one glance, spat in his palm and slapped him across the face leaving an ugly red mark as he lay whimpering on the ground with a look of how-could-you, shock and hurt mixed with "the face". "Now we're even" she coldly stated about to grab a cup of tea for his nonsense but alas, horribly failing and tripping over him with a feeling of déjà vu. In a fit of rage, she stood up and kicked him aside, leaving him to cower in pain as she boiled the water. Not even a minute passed by before the hissing of the boiler was heard. Inserting a tea bag into a cup, she drained the water away from the boiler, took a tiny sip, and grabbed another glass. She filled this one with cold water from the north pole blessed with Santa's awesome magic and dumped it right on Beast boy. He howled and hissed in pain as she stood there drinking her tea superiorly and looking at him with a glance of serves-you-right.

Once she finished downing half her cup, Beast boy had recovered from the stinging sensation of burning flames and bone chilling tubs of lard. Finally, she took her cup and emptied its contents on beast boy miming like he was a sink. She bowed, and abruptly left the stage. A new cacophony of screams erupted from Beast boy as he squirmed around on the rug doing a perfect imitation of Silkie with gas. _Oh she was SO going to get it now, _Beast boy thought to himself as a plan of revenge brewed in the deep corners of his peanut shell... "Hey!" Fine, in the deep corners of his puny mind...


End file.
